Slipped Away
by Niamara
Summary: Just a short fic Harry's thoughts when Sirius died. Not slash. If I say anymore I'll give too much away. Complete.


_**Title**: Slipped Away  
__**Song**: Slipped Away – Avril Lavigne  
__**Disclaimer**: I still don't own Harry Potter. I haven't the past several times, and I still don't now!

* * *

_

_I miss you, miss you so bad  
__I don't forget you, oh it's so sad _

Sirius died yesterday. I was so stupid to think that Voldemort actually had him. I ran off to the Department of Mysteries, ignoring Hermione, who was, as always, right. She tried to tell me that Voldemort was just planting images in my head. But no … I didn't listen. I cared about Sirius too much to think things through properly, and now it's my fault he's dead … I ran off to the Department of Mysteries, thinking he was in danger. It should have been obvious he wasn't! Hermione and Ron tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen …

_I hope you can hear me  
__I remember it clearly  
__The day you slipped away  
__Was the day I found  
__It won't be the same_

When Sirius got wind of what I'd done, he came to save me. Dumbledore tried to stop him, but he didn't listen to him, just as I didn't listen to Hermione. We both got the wrong end of this horrible deal …

The reason I'd gone there in the first place was to save him, and then he came and saved me … he sacrificed himself … and now he's dead … gone … he won't ever come back …

_I wish that I could see you again,  
__I know that I can't_

I've experienced so many horrible things in my short life. I've seen my mother murdered, Ginny, unconscious, almost dead, I've almost died a number of times, I've seen Cedric die, and Voldemort come back. And until yesterday, I would have never wanted to see any of those things again. But after I watched Sirius die, I'd rather see anything else … do anything else … nothing can ever compare to what I saw yesterday …

_I hope you can hear me  
__I remember it clearly _

I haven't slept in so long. I can't sleep. I won't sleep, even if I could, because every time I close my eyes, I see Sirius, coming down into the room with the veil. Sirius, duelling with Bellatrix. Sirius, dodging a curse. Sirius, laughing at Bellatrix. Sirius, falling through the veil …

Whenever I think about it, my eyes water, and I get lost in my thoughts. I scold myself for not listening to Hermione. Not thinking rationally … and then it plays. Like a film without sound. Everything appears in my head, all over again. From the time Sirius barged through those doors, to the time he fell through the veil …

_The day, you, slipped away  
__Was the day I found  
__It won't be the same_

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when Sirius was still alive, I used to go down to the common room, just in case Sirius felt like a night-time chat … I went down last night, hoping, even praying, that Sirius' head would appear there … his head popping into the fire … hearing his laugh like a bark … needless to say he wasn't there … I stared into that fire so long, I think my eyes might have a permanent red-orange tinge burned into them …

_I've had my wake up  
__Won't you wake up.  
__I keep asking why.  
__I can't take it  
__It wasn't fake.  
__It happened you passed by_

I couldn't think straight for a while. When I got back to Hogwarts, Dumbledore talked to me. He said it was all his fault. I had so many mixed emotions. I finally went back to my room, and flopped down on my bed, my vision completely blurred by tears. I ripped the hangings shut around me and just stared up at the canopy for the longest time. And then it came to me. I sat up so fast. I thought it would work. It had to. I opened my trunk, and took out the mirror Sirius had given me at Christmas, just before I went back to Hogwarts. The last time I saw Sirius peaceful …

I unwrapped the mirror. I said Sirius' name, but I only got my own reflection back. I said his name many more times, eventually ending up screaming it, tears freely poring down my face. But it was no use. It wouldn't work. I threw the mirror across my dormitory, and it hit the opposite wall. It smashed, leaving glass shards everywhere. I sunk onto my bed, defeated. I felt lower than I had ever felt in my life.

_Now you're gone  
__Now you're gone  
__There you go  
__There you go  
__Somewhere I can't bring you back  
__Now you're gone  
__Now you're gone  
__There you go  
__There you go  
__Somewhere you're not coming back _

Memories blind me every second of every day now. I can't concentrate in classes. I always see Sirius. The picture of him at my parents' wedding, his face full of laughter and life, before he went to Azkaban … in third year, in the Shrieking Shack … fourth year, when we visited him in the cave … summer, when I was at his house, the house he hated …

_The day, you, slipped away  
__Was the day I found  
__It won't be the same,  
__No, the day you slipped away  
__Was the day I found it won't be the same_

All I can do now is hope that wherever Sirius is, he's having a good time. Maybe he's with my parents. That would be great for him. Seeing his best mate after all these terrible years … I like to think that they're watching over me. Sirius and my parents.

It's what gives me the strength to go on every day, knowing that there is some good, no matter how much evil there may be. And I know that no matter what I do, Ron and Hermione will always be there with me, helping me, and my parents and Sirius watching over me.

_I miss you

* * *

_

_**A/N: **I wrote this a while ago, when I was listening to this song. I think it's one of the first things I've ever written. I read it over, and I didn't think it was that bad so I decided to post it up here for y'all. Did you like it? **Review!**_


End file.
